


Everything was easier before I met you

by CocotteJenn



Series: Warden Ana Surana - Sad Mages Worldstate [8]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: (it's pretty tame though), F/M, Goodbye Sex, Heavy Angst, Last Night on Earth, No Ritual, Suicidal Thoughts, Writing Prompt, doubts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 09:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17465018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocotteJenn/pseuds/CocotteJenn
Summary: (Tumblr prompt) On the eve of the final battle, Surana finds some comfort in Alistair's embrace.





	Everything was easier before I met you

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt for @gingerbreton: “I wish i’d never met you” for Surana.

For the first time since this all started, Ana wishes she never left the Circle. Things used to be so much simpler back then. There were no broken hearts in the Circle, only broken souls. A broken soul can at least pretend not to care. A broken heart only cares too much. Oh, Maker, when did she become so soft?

She wanders through the castle for hours like a restless spirit until she finds herself in front of his bedroom door. She knocks without even thinking. It doesn't take long for Alistair to open it.

“I see you can't sleep either,” he says with weariness.

“I just…” She hesitates, suddenly uncertain. _Why_ did she come here? He made it clear that whatever they had is over. She has no business being here.

His hand brushes a strand of loose hair from her face. She leans into his touch, closing her eyes. “Yeah, me too,” he murmurs, his face so close to hers she can feel him breathe. That's all it takes. One soft whisper and she's lost in his arms again.

Alistair closes the door behind them as he carries her off to bed. There is a sense of doom in their kisses, an urgency in every touch. They undress each other with the primal haste of two wild animals. Tonight is their last night together. It’s messy, it’s desperate. Ana clings onto his shoulders more tightly than ever before, perhaps in a foolish attempt to keep him all to herself for the rest of their lives.

If only this night could last forever.

Her heart breaks a little more when it’s over. Alistair gives her one last, tender kiss before falling asleep almost instantly, as he often does when they're together. She watches the worry slowly wash away from his face. He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping that for a brief moment, she almost forgets it's the last time they will ever be together.

It was never meant to happen in the first place. Him, the secret bastard son of King Maric, and her, an elf _and_ a mage, the worst combo life has to offer. Somehow, deep down, she’s always known that this happiness was fleeting. It stills hurts, though, to know that even if by some miracle they both survive the battle, they will not get the storybook ending she once dreamed of. It hurts and she can't do anything about it. Why does it hurt so much? It never used to hurt this much in the Circle.

“I wish I'd never met you,” she whispers to Alistair’s sleeping form. There is no anger in her voice, no resentment, no bitterness, only sorrow. “I wish I'd never fallen in love with you.”

She wonders if perhaps she should have accepted Morrigan's offer. She can't live without him, that much is clear. But what if she fails to do what must be done? What if she's not strong enough? What if something goes terribly wrong?

Coming here was a bad idea.

She sneaks out of the bed and quickly finds her discarded clothes. Her hand is inches from the door when she hears Alistair stir behind her. The sheets ruffle as he searches for her in the bed. “Ana?”

She doesn't turn around. She's too afraid to even look at him. She'll never be able to forgive herself for what is going to happen if she does. “Whatever happens tomorrow, never forget that I love you.”

It's the first time she says it out loud. Why did she wait so long to do it? She loves him. She's loved him for some time. Why couldn't she say it sooner? Those were three very simple words and she never had the nerves to speak them before. _Stupid, stupid girl!_ _It’s too late for that now. You’re only making things more difficult for both of you!_

She's gone before he has time to say anything. It used to be so much easier before she met him, and it will be again once this Blight is over. She will strike the final blow against the Archdemon, and Alistair will become the King of Ferelden. It’s better this way. It's _easier_ for everyone.


End file.
